happy anniversary to my bff

a year ago today we embarked on an early morning road trip to mandeville, got our papers in order, drove to may pen to register and headed to the pastor's house... you and smiley gathering my bouquet. the portia pin. the mini and xxl blazers. the singing. we loved him at first meeting, as he talked about the importance of marriage and god's blessings, you squeezed my hand, smiling every second. the tears streaming down your face as you tried to get through your vows. your hands trembling in mine. i tried so hard to keep my composure. everything around us was faded and you were sooo bright, this love, this life, this force within you that just takes over everything around you. we did it and the two of us were beaming and shining. the pastor loved us so much he climbed in his tree to gather us mangos and we all took part as one. the ital shop around the corner that we took over hosted our dinner. it was beautiful. that whole day, and all the hoops we had to jump, ... all of it. i laughed, i cried, i felt everything. for so long we had talked about it and then finally it had happened.

it was the best day of my life and i would do it again in a heartbeat. you are my joy and a magnification to my happiness. your love is mind-blowing and every day i feel ever blessed to have you in my life. i wish you the utmost happiness... it's been an amazing 3 years being with you, through all our ups and downs we've had to face, we faced them boldly together and came out ever stronger. but it has been a more amazing year having you as my husband. i'm truly blessed to have you as my best friends and my partner in life. you bring such joy, sweetness and completeness to my life. i love you so very much, more than words can actually begin to describe. you make me so very happy my darling! you truly are my favorite combo package :)

i look forward to more years and moments of joy and celebration with you. i'll never forget when i first laid eyes on you all the way to when we became husband and wife. today my soul is beaming sweetheart! whether you know it or not, you have helped me learn and overcome a lot... opened my eyes to the things i maybe didn't think about, especially family and i am ever thankful!

your smile was captivating, your personality ever charming and endearing, your laughter perfectly genuine, but it was your heart and soul that won me over... your beautiful spirit. i cannot explain the love for you, in my heart, being and soul... god only knows the full spectrum. i just hope our children will have your beautiful spirit  outside and in. you make me feel they would be so precious and sweet just be your actions. that's why i have to love you so very much.

so even though we are miles apart on our big day, i hope you can take comfort in my feelings and the truth in my heart. one day this big challenge we have had to face will be behind us and we can laugh as we look back fondly on how close we remained despite the distance. i love you forever and always from the bottom of my heart. have a beautiful day and stay ever blessed.

blessings and wealth

checklist:
- life
- no disabilities
- education
- loving husband
- loving parents
- loving brother
- loving step-kids
- perspective
- opportunities, even if small
- ability to travel
- patience
- understanding
- love
- concern
- confidence
- ability
- genuine joy
- ...

i have god/jah/krishna/allah/universe on my side to help me face the stresses of life... whatever my hold ups are i need to find a way to release them and move forward.

furthering education, lack of money, uncertainty, distance from family, ...

i need to let go... things will work out if they are to manifest... i don't know why i need to remind myself, because they always do, even when the way seems impossible or unclear.

i hear it repeatedly, subconsciously -- 'everything will work out,' and deep within i know it will (to an extent), but a part of me fears it will not and i try to control the situation and that fear turns deeper and deeper, until i convince myself otherwise.

so i need to acknowledge this current downfall of mine, letting stress turn to doubt and fear and find another way to face the situation -- headstrong.

i need to realize stress leads to a demise of happiness.. usually wreaks havoc on all good if given enough strength and power. its seeing and learning from this early that i can hopefully avoid these pitfalls.

if school is to happen financially it will.. i cannot kill myself to save money while i become miserable and alone, painstakingly saving every cent so i won't go into debt.

if a baby is to come the time will show itself.. i cannot rush kids but also i cannot disregard it either. the time will present itself somehow and i pray money and security will come with that sign.

i hope one day the family issue will resolve... and with it a sense of peace can take over the silence, pain and disgust. one day, in time i realize...

other uncertainty -- housing, money, family, location, financing, all of it, i'm trying to let it go, realizing it's all bigger than myself... that 'i' alone cannot face it, change it, or make it.

**reminder: tomorrow is a new day, different than yesterday or today or the next day. i can do and/or be anything with some persistence and faith.

food for thought

a very dear friend of mine gave me some food for thought today --

"you've been through a lot this year, and I think it is time you sit down and acknowledge it... you need time to look not just forward, but inside - hug yourself, and welcome yourself in the present time. there's a lot already happening, and you can rest a bit... inside."

packing my bags... yet again.

like the course of action throughout my life, i am yet again moving --

i am blessed and thankful new york was made accessible when i needed it most... everything fell into place without much hitch, which is ironic considering it was never my ambition to live in new york; but so the world turns. i had come up for a 10-day visit for an interview or two with my last few hundred dollars to my name. i managed to land the job and was able to save up a little. with this came the window for reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances, meeting new people, experiencing new things, ... la la la.

i survived the frigid cold and nonsense, holding out for news regarding grad school -- and as it turned out scholarships in new york are a joke, so i decided i would be a fool to pay 80k+ when i could pay a fraction of that back in miami. education really shouldn't be such a unattainable investment, but that's for another day -- anyway, i'm moving... back to st. thomas after all these years. makes total sense i guess. and i'm ecstatic to move forward and not look back.

so here i am trying to pack up all my things and get my stuff in order for next tuesday. i feel good about this. i think it's been long overdue and i'm optimistic about this opportunity and time. we'll see. now to find a way to jamaica come may -- let's see how that will pan out. fingers crossed.

let's rethink these 'trying economic times'

in these trying economic times it's difficult to achieve all of our dreams and ambitions as we had once envisioned it in times past...

life has gotten more expensive,

bills and taxes have increased,

even dollar store bargains have gone up.

i guess in the long run, whatever gets you there is a means to an end?

we should refuse to lose sight of our goals because of a crunch and a less than stimulated job market.

why should we limit ourselves to engineering jobs just because its what's paying the bills these days?

don't they say it takes a village??

well, if that's the case we need all kinds of people;

granted maybe not soo many djs and engineers,

but every one has a place and purpose... and really,

at the end of the day life is about the experience;

so why limit ourselves and our abilities??

live a little.

so maybe it's not so lucrative, but on the other hand, maybe we need to rethink how we live and prioritize what's most important to each and every one of us.

remember --

anything is a possibility these days.

happy earthstrong mr. marley

in remembrance of a remarkable individual who continues to inspire the world... happy earthstrong to your spirit which thrives and brings joy and comfort to all.

"the greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively."

- robert nesta marley

three in greek