pick up the pieces

i'm sorry my choices and decisions have been left field of their dreams and ambitions,
but love is never as you plan it...
it happens.
that's the beauty of it.
i am so completely in love
and i wish they could see this beautiful man for who he is
instead of what they think he is.

i had a serious breakdown up in tennessee,
i think the stress and exhaustion mounted
and as soon as he called for the evening i just broke down.
i mean on the freaking field,
outside during the heat game,
sobbing my eyes out.

he stayed all night on the phone trying to pick up the pieces.
he feels like shit because he feels he has a lot to do with it
and he never wanted anything like this to come about.
my god.
i just can't manage the drama.
i was so happy
and then i came home
and same shit.

i haven't been in this much pain in a long time.
and it breaks my heart to see the situation.
all of this emotion and drama
because of close minds
and dreams
and not being able to let go of your children.
i wish they could see this is causing so much more harm than help.

i just want to survive this...
make it to school and live my life.
if they are going to put this much fucking emphasis on success
and future
and so-called ambition
i wont fit in here
because my ideals and outlook are very different.
and its a miracle i found someone who shares those same things.

i don't see age,
or color,
or status,
or image,
or possessions
or any of these things...

i see a person for who they truly and genuinely are.
i see a pure soul.
i see someone who has become my best friend
and who i can talk for hours till i'm blue in the face
about whatever and never get bored.
i see someone who loves me for me
and cherishes all the small details.

i don't get bombarded with all the nonsense,
i see above it.
so i'm sorry for them.
but i made up my mind and frankly
i don't see it as being selfish or immature.
i see it as being tired of bullshit and standing up in what i believe.