i feel it

where do i begin... i feel god's blessings despite the situation not being to my liking. i have to realize there is a bigger picture and it's the small things that require attention and appreciation. i am grateful, i have a loving husband who does all he can and more for me..., we just celebrated a year of marriage..., it's been about 3 years and we still feel like no time has passed..., we still manage to revel in the joy versus the downfalls surrounding us... it was difficult to swallow being solo, completely -- i opted to occupy and distract myself by going to the beach... where i was surrounded by families left and right. not exactly the distraction i had hoped for.. tried to just let it be. i thought back to what had led me to that point. i focused n the memories of the moments and pretty soon i forgot all about the unfortunate circumstances and the love and joy comforted me. it was overall a rough day to be so far apart from him, but we survived, shared love and laughter and did our best naturally.

we are being tested in our faith, outlook and patience -- obviously it's a course we have to face through together for some reason. better to embrace it all then fight it. so.. me being here is an attempt to embrace it, doing something i choose to do with people i choose to be around. i am the author of my dreams -- i cannot be mad at anybody or blame anyone but myself. when i can swallow that i can move forward positively and without hesitation. i'm the only one standing in my way. it could be because i'm slightly scared underneath it all or that i need time to really get my ducks in line... a lot of that sounds about right and could fit the bill. i'm trying to be here, present now, paying attention to the signs along the way. my goal is to actively release the unnecessary stress, worry and anxiety. if i mess up, well i mess up, better i do it for the right and true reasons for it will make the comeback that much sweeter. this i pray.