vinicio at bimhuis

the concert was amazing i didn't get home till late, but it was well worth the lack of sleep. i think half of italy was there, which was beautiful -- to see & hear so many different italians, i miss it! plus it was a sweet vacation from dutch, sensory overload. the concert was truly great & one of those special memories in life i will keep. i can't get over what a super talent he is, one of my favorites of all time... so it was great, super small setting, italians, good music, ... yes it definitely made me happy after all this craziness, everything seemed worthwhile just for that moment.

raul castro named cuban president

at least in miami, everytime castro even seemed to have a slight ailment, leaving his brother in charge, the whole southern tip of florida was on parade. i remember 2 distinctive times when he was rumored to be dead, the city was a mess -- makeshift traffic parades with people hanging out with pots and pans, driving up and down the streets or highways; cuban flags everywhere, overtaking your senses; ... basically all out craziness. but i'm sure now that raul is filling his brother's shoes more often and for longer time spans, something must be going on. my friends know i'm open-minded about everything, and willing to question and analyze before making a judgment call. i gotta say i'm not anti-castro... i might not agree with everything. but i can appreciate his early, enthusiastic efforts. i need to live it before i can make a total judgment call.

vinicio countdown

the man who is borderline for number one, favorite musician of all time/man of my dreams... vinicio capossela is coming to the bimhuis next wednesday. pina, eric & i lucked out to find some tickets still available online last week. i can't express my joy and anticipation for wednesday. i have missed him 3 times in my life already. i will be leaving work early on wednesday, i have enough motivation.



ok, so i have a bit of a crush..

rotterdam

visited che for the day/night -- met the brazilians +1 french roommates, feasted, danced, and met up with alex. all in all a good weekend.

my life in a nutshell

trying to assimilate has been a process, i'm still an illegal immigrant (now i know how that feels & i can scratch that one off the list of things to do before i die). no its just been crazy from day 1... work is super intensive, yes i'm learning a couple things, but at the same time it's just like school, minus the fun/creative part -- this part is bullshit, about making money and creating profit... not too keen to it, but i'm doing my part.

i think it might have already gotten to the point where i'm being taken advantage of and we've crossed into sweatshop territory.. so i'm going to address this if it continues next week.. certain things like giving me 2 projects to figure out on my own (no team), working from 9/930 to 9/midnight/2/330am, .... it's been nuts. and it doesn't help that my boss is a bit of a bipolar betty. hes uber nice one second & under the slightest pressure or stress he's like frankenstein on drugs. i feel people shouldn't stray from their meds, even for one day -- the effects are drastic. im also wondering if maybe this has all been some sort of test (which i hope because its been too intense to be real, i think). we had a presentation yesterday on one of my projects, and he basically made me design it with little feedback on his part & thank god the clients loved it & he was super impressed, so that made me feel good, but not good enough to stay till 3am.

the dutch language is growing on me, still foreign, but i'm hearing it 24/7, so i'm picking up little catch phrases & words here & there -- its very "huachhhing" sounding. they speak dutch all day at the office, which is nice because i'm hearing it constantly & they think its the best thing for me, but at the same time i have no fucking clue what they are saying & its turned into background music that my brain has been trying to turn off -- like bad techno music. i feel sometimes like a mute/deaf, but its been getting better. i get along with everybody super great so that's a good thing, considering there are only 4 of us, it would suck to not get along. i'm by far the youngest, by 5 -14 years or something.

trying to meet other people & make new friends.... when i can. parties are key to these things --as i've come to find out -- its all who you know, then who they know -- full circle. i've met some interesting people so far & it's been helpful in trying to get used to a new place.

my calves are just about steel now & no gym needed. although i have a few near death experiences, its gotten better -- im not as nervous about the tram lines, random people jumping in the bike paths, and traffic.

other than that & trying to become legal, which is impossible, and that is a definate thing which other people who have gone through have told me, you just can't do it & have to remain "underground"... which at the beginning freaked me out, because of being an american & coming from a place that is so anal about immigration/tourists/... i feared i would become the next elian gonzalez & get ripped out of my bed in the middle of the night & deported faster than anyone could say stroopwaffel. but ive come to find that yes immigration is a major issue here, more so with turkish, indian, & muslim nationals... so though i watch my back, im not as freaked out. plus my friends have all said i can hide in their closets if they do come after me, so that helps me sleep at night. also at work they come up with 3 alternative choices: 1) apply for dutch citizenship (mind you this was after they spent an hour bashing their country; then they said no its great bc holland has a great thing where you can have dual citizenships -- you can keep your national citizenship), 2) marry a dutch guy, and lastly, 3) my boss would sign me up as an au pair for his 3 made up kids so that i would have to stay at least a year (this by far was the worst, & im still scared he will sign me up without my knowledge). none of those seemed too feasible in my eyes.

its been good overall, taking the good with the bad, nothing is always good, it would be far too boring. its only 3 weeks in, im staying positive.

life as an immigrant

i am an illegal immigrant still. i have applied for papers, visas, residencies, work permits... you name it, i've done it -- i've gone to offices, spoken with bureaucrats... the list goes on. so i come to work today & find out my boss has taken it upon himself to say i'm still a student, because this way will lead to resolution. i must now blatantly lie and get someone from my university to do the same without blinking an eye. i have dreams at night about dutch police coming to take me away like they did elian, except i won't have an uncle fighting for me.

my ongoing correspondance with w

i love these emails i get back from the white house.. i save them in my diary i keep under my pillow -- that way i can dream about how the gov't wants nothing to do with me asking them about peace treaties, the war, poverty, food issues, and our overall "do-gooder" image. makes me feel so special that they care & want to listen to what i think. damn proud to be an amrrrrican.

pbs - frontline world

ecuador: country doctors

barefoot college

barefoot college

pretty sure i could live happy the rest of my days on this land doing something like this... if you are at all interested let me know maybe we can do a joint project? this ties in to what i want to do with the trade/training organization/workshop -- 'born into brothels' style. this could be like that! this was originally started by architects trying to make a difference in their country.

My City = My Body - Biological Interactions with and in the City

we make money not art article

the first week

my new identity: mrs annelise marie cowns

work was super busy today, and i had to bike around to run errands this morning for the firm. im wondering what the hell have i gotten myself into.... because i have no clue what i am doing & as it is i'm not the type of person to ask for help, but being as i have had these talks from my boss about not wasting time, being productive, (the ways of the firm), i feel so nervous to do anything... much less ask for help. yet when i do i get this shit face from him, and i dont quite know if it is in jest or better yet the cold, waking reality. today he told me half dutch/half english to do a drawing and of course the computer wasn't working right so i asked him if it was ok, well he gave me some attitude, then said ahh its fine, just do this & this & this -- still didnt work, so i asked my coworker & she was happy to help me & she couldn't figure it out either, so she asked him, & he said i was occupying too much of her valuable time. ok dutchy man, the whole point of me being an intern is i know nothing. for god's sakes, its amazing i've made it this far without screwing up more, my computer is in dutch (at work) so imagine trying to do anything or navigate or search for things -- super complicated! i don't bother to talk all day, i pretend to laugh at stupid dutch jokes i have no idea what is being said. i'm friendly & they are too, but this background techno-clash noise of dutch is getting old, and the excuse of "it's so you'll learn," isnt enough for me. i can deal with that, but not when it comes to my work & what needs to be done, i would rather not loose anything in translation. im just happy tomorrow is friday and i can sleep all weekend. i have no time for anything. i get up at 7am, i get home at 8-830pm, and im so tired its hard enough to eat dinner so late. then time flies & it's midnight. then morning before i know it. they are too much of workaholics here! i thought the us was crazy, but it doesnt help his studio is also his home -- he never leaves! and i feel bad if i leave because everyone is still there working, but also im not getting paid a major salary like them, im barely getting anything & im supposed to work 40 hours a week, which means i don't know what!? i'm not made for this world of crazy workaholic ego driven architects.... i wouldn't survive one day in this dogeatdog world. no no, alex, i'll take developing countries for 100. it's going to be a looong 6 months. but i did this to myself & i will survive, hopefully i will learn something other than basic dutch & coping with frustration... and hopefully i can get some kind of life while i'm here to see amsterdam & meet people, because as of now it doesn't look soo good... i barely get to see my roommates now. ahh, i dont think he looked over my cv so well, he was shocked when he heard i had already graduated.... when we were filling out the forms he leans over & whispers "did i know this about you before i hired you?' of course, it was everywhere in large bold letters!? c'mooon! this is only the first week & i'm in super zombie mode. i don't know how long i can last like this. if my contract says 40 hrs/week what does that mean in terms i can understand? 8 hours/day? hmm....i know being an intern is another word for someone's bitch... and that's what i understood before signing my life away...so i'm good at redoing peoples crappy work, working on a book all in dutch, scanning documents like theres no tomorrow, making expresso/tea, filing, dropping whatever pertinent thing i have a deadline for to do something menial -- yea basically i'm the bitch. and it's ok, as long as i learn something other than what i know.... because that's what it's about --- learning! uhhh. well i'm happy it will be friday in 30 min, then i have 2 days off where i dont have to work on stuff that is going nowhere. you would think he would be builiding all these projects with how we've been working since day 1, but not soo much, so i'm kinda confused why there's all this pressure. anyway, i apologize its all ranting, but i have no one to rant to here so i gotta get it out.

on a side note, i almost died tonight on my way home, my wheel swiped the tram tracks as i was trying to dodge a drunk tourist... i saw lights, i don't think they were white & holy, but i saw lights... maybe red lights? hmm...

i'm sure this all has made no sense whatsoever, i'm trying to get the dutch voices out of my head. it's everywhere & driving me nuts. they made me speak some stuff tonight, and they swear it's because of them im learning. hmm, not so much, more like my 'learn dutch' podcast & looking up stuff on the online dictionary every 2 sec. i'm opting to leave at 6/630 tomorrow, forget that crap of being a good employee because it's getting me nowhere - this isn't even a real job, i'm just getting suckered into exploited labor, but i need the experience... he's supposed to be paying me something like 600euros i found out. so i'm not too crazy about whoring myself overtime anymore. ahh i have no desire to do this for the rest of my life... it's nothing but an empty, cold feeling. i get no happiness out of doing stupid drawings & staying in an office with artificial lighting all day, or sucking up to rich bastards.... ehh maybe im in the wrong career path totally?

sleep no more

i just designed the facade for on of the projects i am working on... me, the lowly, english speaking intern. they liked my idea & now it's crunch time for a booklet deadline/proposal. autocad has become a dream snatcher -- all nighters all week. i'm back to studio life.

opening party at the office

i met a million people tonight, chatted it up like i knew what i was doing. got a bit lost en route to the office, but eventually found my way. as i walked in, everybody knew who i was... everybody was drunk... i received hugs, kisses, and drinks all night -- it was a great time! seems like all of amsterdam knew i was coming to work - quite funny. ran into some italians visiting from genova, one of the guys says he'll hook me up for a job in italy no problem because he likes me... made a ton of contacts and everyone is super excited i'm here, which makes me feel more at ease i guess. the guy who hired me, is so happy im here, and it looks like there will just be 3 of us, as everyone else has finished or moved on. another dutch girl who went to university with him and myself. so this should be interesting... i am more at ease for showing up to this thing, nothing like drunk dutch people to put your worries at bay.