the past two years have been a fully realized and enjoyed blur...
i have learned many valuable lessons throughout my two years in jamaica; most of which took place in and around my community. it took some effort and initiative, but not too long after i was accepted and viewed in my community as any other jamaican. it has been a very touching experience to be so loved and taken in... i now have a larger family, made up of close friends who see me as their family and blood.
now that my time is counting down rather quickly,
everyone is getting quite nostalgic.
we reminisce about the past,
the good,
the bad,
the crazy,
...
they have difficulty remembering when i first came,
some say two years,
some say five,
and others say they have known me from when.
it's funny to hear,
but it's equally bittersweet.
people say seaford town will never be the same without me.
my presence will be missed,
and and only my spirit felt.
there will be a little less sunshine,
and an empty space in my absence
i know i will always have a place here.
a place to call my home,
whenever i should want it.
i feel blessed to have had this opportunity
and the time to meet
and exchange with these beautiful people
who have touched and impacted my life.
i will keep the memories of my friends and students close to my heart.
i will always remember that first instance i arrived here,
my initial impressions,
and that first day of teaching at school...
the room full of children
and me,
completely lost,
but after the days,
weeks,
months,
and years that followed,
it became routine and natural,
as if i had been here all along...
as if life had always been like this.
so,
as the time is winding down,
i look back with a heart full of love
on fond memories and spectacular adventures.
like a friend told me the other night,
"jamaica has done you well, no true?
you must find a way to come back,
no ifs,
ands,
or buts about it.
we can't manage without you.
it wasn't by chance you were sent here.
there was a reason
and i hope you have learned to see it."
Wednesday 27 April 2011
how
how do you begin to tell your overcritical parents that you have discovered something real.
that you are in love like you have never experienced before
and that you have been loved like no one has ever loved you...
and it's with someone they very much disapprove,
but just based on exterior perceptions and judgments.
how do you begin to tell them you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
that you love his children as yours,
and yes,
it's not their dream situation or plan for you,
happiness like this is quite rare to come across,
when you love someone you accept them as they are,
taking the highs and the lows equally.
life isn't easy and love is that much more complicated.
we can't help who we come to love,
sometimes it just happens
and we are the last to know.
so it goes.
you don't want anything more than their blessings and love.
everyone is an adult and quite capable of making their own decisions,
thought out and in a rational way.
serious things take time.
because of love and respect you want them to know.
you are prepared for the worst,
to withstand their anger,
disappointment,
disapproval,
...
the list can go on,
but it doesn't change your love for people,
nor your love for them,
not just as your parents,
but people you love and care about.
so at the end of the day,
you are still their daughter,
who loves them,
but just want them to accept your happiness.
you were raised to see beauty within people,
not to hold judgments against anyone,
live a good and meaningful life,
striving to make the world a better place...
if you have discovered that and more in someone,
someone who brings out your best
and together you can make something positive,
beautiful,
and dynamic,
then why lose that?
life is much too short to forgo something so real,
all for the sake of others' peace of mind,
acceptance,
and happiness.
the time has come to stand up and make some noise.
they always talk about finding that special person,
who will complete you,
enrich your life,
challenge you,
and love you more than you can imagine.
how do you show them you have found that and more,
though the packaging might not be to their taste?
here lies the next challenge... time and patience en tow.
that you are in love like you have never experienced before
and that you have been loved like no one has ever loved you...
and it's with someone they very much disapprove,
but just based on exterior perceptions and judgments.
how do you begin to tell them you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
that you love his children as yours,
and yes,
it's not their dream situation or plan for you,
happiness like this is quite rare to come across,
when you love someone you accept them as they are,
taking the highs and the lows equally.
life isn't easy and love is that much more complicated.
we can't help who we come to love,
sometimes it just happens
and we are the last to know.
so it goes.
you don't want anything more than their blessings and love.
everyone is an adult and quite capable of making their own decisions,
thought out and in a rational way.
serious things take time.
because of love and respect you want them to know.
you are prepared for the worst,
to withstand their anger,
disappointment,
disapproval,
...
the list can go on,
but it doesn't change your love for people,
nor your love for them,
not just as your parents,
but people you love and care about.
so at the end of the day,
you are still their daughter,
who loves them,
but just want them to accept your happiness.
you were raised to see beauty within people,
not to hold judgments against anyone,
live a good and meaningful life,
striving to make the world a better place...
if you have discovered that and more in someone,
someone who brings out your best
and together you can make something positive,
beautiful,
and dynamic,
then why lose that?
life is much too short to forgo something so real,
all for the sake of others' peace of mind,
acceptance,
and happiness.
the time has come to stand up and make some noise.
they always talk about finding that special person,
who will complete you,
enrich your life,
challenge you,
and love you more than you can imagine.
how do you show them you have found that and more,
though the packaging might not be to their taste?
here lies the next challenge... time and patience en tow.
Friday 22 April 2011
twenty six
this year i will be 26.
twenty years ago i was a precocious 6 year old in grade 1 at bob jones elementary school.
we lived in greenville, south carolina -- the apartment complex down the road from bi-lo and the michellin factory. my brother and i shared a room and at nights we would talk and share stories.
ten years later i was sweet 16.
we were living in mount dora, florida. i was in grade 11, on the cusp of changing schools for my senior year. it took everything to convince my parents i was going to be just fine. my focus was to succeed in school. have fun, graduate, get into a good university far away from small town florida and travel.
ten years later, here i find myself.
graduated university, traveled, worked abroad, moved several times and currently finishing up a 2 year service in the peace corps. i survived.
when i was young i dreamed about being a missionary to china, it's all i knew about an outlet to travel, so i decided i would do it. i used to read stories of missionaries, their work, lives, experiences, ... it filled my head with wonder and from early i knew i was destined to be a nomad. i was obsessed with asia -- the food, the culture, the people, the customs, ... that was one of the only reasons i ever agreed to go to church, to hear about the visiting missionaries talking about their experiences. religion wasn't a stronghold for me though -- i found missionaries too hypocritical and overbearing. i didn't want to be associated with any of that. i then decided i would become a professional figure skater like my childhood idol, kristi yamaguchi... from the fame i could travel the world. i wasn't destined for that though. i then tried gymnastics, thinking i could be the next nadia, but that also fizzled and faded. we moved a lot, apartment to apartment, state to state, island to country, and vice-versa, ... the idea and image of 'home' changed -- it became what was important, special and a comfort to me. no matter where we found ourselves, what new school i was enrolled in, or ..., i always had home. my confidantes were my journals and my pets. thinking back now, all of my dogs passed on and yet i learned to cope and move on. i've learned to be very strong and resilient -- ready to face any challenge head on; independent to the core. i'm not afraid of challenges, solitude, change, ... i've done it and mastered the ropes and it's become a custom; part of the norm. high school ended and i booked my ticket to france. my savings covered the costs i took care of everything -- my brother suggested i would enjoy volunteering at a workcamp designed to preserve old french cultural sites. i signed up for a month. i jumped in, head first, learned french as fast as possible, made friends and slept in a football stadium. i started smoking that summer. it was a beautiful eye-opening experience. i loved that place and i vowed to return and open a commune.
i backpacked a lot of france or another 2 months, visiting friends i had made from the camp. i decided i wasn't ready to return. i hadn't been accepted to the universities i had pined for and i wasn't interested if it wasn't meant to be. i figured i could apply to school in paris and try to find my way. my parents had other thoughts. they said they supported me, but said financially i'd be on my own . i kept my poker face until a week before classes were to start, i sucked my pride and called my parents to say i thought it over and i wanted to avoid such debt so early -- so i flew back an went to school.
i took every opportunity to travel back and get out. i tried to live meagerly so i could fund these ventures. as school came to an end i wanted out this time it was back to holland. i didn't know a soul. i had volunteered for a month outside amsterdam a year or so before, so i was a bit familiar with the city. i found a room, managed to meet people and had a decent go of things, despite the job. my call finally came in from the peace corps and i was off to jamaica. the past 2 years have given me time to put everything into perspective and help to further pinpoint what i want... it's only been solidified: travel, meaningful work, something creative, something different, full of opportunities to meet change. longtime goal and dream of working with for unhabitat is getting closer and closer. who knows?
i'm on the right path to realizing my goals and it's been 26 years in the making. it's crazy how time has passed by so quickly. when did i really become 26? i feel like i'm still 21, every year. but this is it; this is life, going on with or without your permission. so best advice i can give myself is to jump in, fully. live every moment, don't waste the time away. be present and embrace the good with the bad. don't stress too much, remember the 'helicopter view'... big picture perspective helps keep it in check. laugh often. avoid hypocrites and more so becoming one. if you feel sad, cry, then move on. you will survive. don't over-analyze too much, it's a waste of time, an added stress and usually holds you back from realizing what you desire deep down. enjoy the ups and downs -- a balance is needed to appreciate the true beauty and joy of living. i often wonder how my parents feel, seeing their children as adults? re-evaluating their lives, where they have come from, where they have gone, what they have experienced...
here's to the journey. can't wait to see what's waiting ahead.
twenty years ago i was a precocious 6 year old in grade 1 at bob jones elementary school.
we lived in greenville, south carolina -- the apartment complex down the road from bi-lo and the michellin factory. my brother and i shared a room and at nights we would talk and share stories.
ten years later i was sweet 16.
we were living in mount dora, florida. i was in grade 11, on the cusp of changing schools for my senior year. it took everything to convince my parents i was going to be just fine. my focus was to succeed in school. have fun, graduate, get into a good university far away from small town florida and travel.
ten years later, here i find myself.
graduated university, traveled, worked abroad, moved several times and currently finishing up a 2 year service in the peace corps. i survived.
when i was young i dreamed about being a missionary to china, it's all i knew about an outlet to travel, so i decided i would do it. i used to read stories of missionaries, their work, lives, experiences, ... it filled my head with wonder and from early i knew i was destined to be a nomad. i was obsessed with asia -- the food, the culture, the people, the customs, ... that was one of the only reasons i ever agreed to go to church, to hear about the visiting missionaries talking about their experiences. religion wasn't a stronghold for me though -- i found missionaries too hypocritical and overbearing. i didn't want to be associated with any of that. i then decided i would become a professional figure skater like my childhood idol, kristi yamaguchi... from the fame i could travel the world. i wasn't destined for that though. i then tried gymnastics, thinking i could be the next nadia, but that also fizzled and faded. we moved a lot, apartment to apartment, state to state, island to country, and vice-versa, ... the idea and image of 'home' changed -- it became what was important, special and a comfort to me. no matter where we found ourselves, what new school i was enrolled in, or ..., i always had home. my confidantes were my journals and my pets. thinking back now, all of my dogs passed on and yet i learned to cope and move on. i've learned to be very strong and resilient -- ready to face any challenge head on; independent to the core. i'm not afraid of challenges, solitude, change, ... i've done it and mastered the ropes and it's become a custom; part of the norm. high school ended and i booked my ticket to france. my savings covered the costs i took care of everything -- my brother suggested i would enjoy volunteering at a workcamp designed to preserve old french cultural sites. i signed up for a month. i jumped in, head first, learned french as fast as possible, made friends and slept in a football stadium. i started smoking that summer. it was a beautiful eye-opening experience. i loved that place and i vowed to return and open a commune.
i backpacked a lot of france or another 2 months, visiting friends i had made from the camp. i decided i wasn't ready to return. i hadn't been accepted to the universities i had pined for and i wasn't interested if it wasn't meant to be. i figured i could apply to school in paris and try to find my way. my parents had other thoughts. they said they supported me, but said financially i'd be on my own . i kept my poker face until a week before classes were to start, i sucked my pride and called my parents to say i thought it over and i wanted to avoid such debt so early -- so i flew back an went to school.
i took every opportunity to travel back and get out. i tried to live meagerly so i could fund these ventures. as school came to an end i wanted out this time it was back to holland. i didn't know a soul. i had volunteered for a month outside amsterdam a year or so before, so i was a bit familiar with the city. i found a room, managed to meet people and had a decent go of things, despite the job. my call finally came in from the peace corps and i was off to jamaica. the past 2 years have given me time to put everything into perspective and help to further pinpoint what i want... it's only been solidified: travel, meaningful work, something creative, something different, full of opportunities to meet change. longtime goal and dream of working with for unhabitat is getting closer and closer. who knows?
i'm on the right path to realizing my goals and it's been 26 years in the making. it's crazy how time has passed by so quickly. when did i really become 26? i feel like i'm still 21, every year. but this is it; this is life, going on with or without your permission. so best advice i can give myself is to jump in, fully. live every moment, don't waste the time away. be present and embrace the good with the bad. don't stress too much, remember the 'helicopter view'... big picture perspective helps keep it in check. laugh often. avoid hypocrites and more so becoming one. if you feel sad, cry, then move on. you will survive. don't over-analyze too much, it's a waste of time, an added stress and usually holds you back from realizing what you desire deep down. enjoy the ups and downs -- a balance is needed to appreciate the true beauty and joy of living. i often wonder how my parents feel, seeing their children as adults? re-evaluating their lives, where they have come from, where they have gone, what they have experienced...
here's to the journey. can't wait to see what's waiting ahead.
Thursday 21 April 2011
3 weeks, 5 days
it's bizarre to think that everything will be completely different in 3 weeks and 5 days. i will no longer be able to look out and see beauty around me, hear the sweet sounds of children , or breathe in the crisp, fresh air. the people that have come to be like my second family and dearest friends will soon be miles away. everything i have come to know, accept and cherish will be taken away in a flash. sure, there is a telephone, but it's nowhere near the same. the things and people who warm my heart and bring smiles and laughter will no longer be so attainable or accessible. i know i'm not exactly the same person i was 2 years ago; so much has been experienced and exchanged. i've grown. i've felt. i've changed. it's expected, especially after such time as 2 years. much of my beliefs and mores have been further solidified... my outlook, further grounded.
routine is what makes things normal and comfortable. it is when routine changes that the world spins. i've lived it my entire life. i know the rules of the game, so i have no doubt that i will find my way, as i always have. it's just it might hurt a little bit more this time; i found something deeper this time around... my eyes are more open and my heart unleashed. i see the world different. things i perhaps once overlooked are now ever clear. i've learned to embrace the here and now, the small moments of life in time. life doesn't wait for anything. we are living it, whether we realize it or not. life doesn't wait for plans to be realized. it keeps going on, though we get distracted by the frivolous stresses. it holds us back from the important things and creates fear. we end up missing out and later on regretting.
we must learn to decipher between the important and the frivolous. seize the moments. we have this life to make the most of it. we can't be so afraid to live and try... if we fail, we get back up, dust ourselves off and try again. we have to be bold and confident, ready to face the world and make the most of it. things happen for a reason, if we are open to it we can see the hints, and clues, if not we get bypassed. we have to leave space. sometimes we get too sidetracked and we miss the 'real' things.
it's not every day you get the opportunity to meet somebody with whom you have such a connection. someone you feel you have known all of your life. someone who loves you as much if not more than the amount you love them. someone you can be yourself with, no fuss, no muss. someone who makes you feel home and love with one touch or embrace. the sound of their voice, or their scent, or the glimpse of their face makes you shine like the rays of the sun. someone who makes you a better person and reinforces even the trivial emotions and thoughts you try to hide from the world. yes, this is life: right here, right now, as i write this and even later on when i read this over.
catch the signals. don't let it pass you by. don't let others hold you back and miss out (because they are blinded). if it is meant to be, it will happen, something will present itself and an effort can be made and strength can be found. what will be, will be and we must learn to live and let life and love take it's course.
routine is what makes things normal and comfortable. it is when routine changes that the world spins. i've lived it my entire life. i know the rules of the game, so i have no doubt that i will find my way, as i always have. it's just it might hurt a little bit more this time; i found something deeper this time around... my eyes are more open and my heart unleashed. i see the world different. things i perhaps once overlooked are now ever clear. i've learned to embrace the here and now, the small moments of life in time. life doesn't wait for anything. we are living it, whether we realize it or not. life doesn't wait for plans to be realized. it keeps going on, though we get distracted by the frivolous stresses. it holds us back from the important things and creates fear. we end up missing out and later on regretting.
we must learn to decipher between the important and the frivolous. seize the moments. we have this life to make the most of it. we can't be so afraid to live and try... if we fail, we get back up, dust ourselves off and try again. we have to be bold and confident, ready to face the world and make the most of it. things happen for a reason, if we are open to it we can see the hints, and clues, if not we get bypassed. we have to leave space. sometimes we get too sidetracked and we miss the 'real' things.
it's not every day you get the opportunity to meet somebody with whom you have such a connection. someone you feel you have known all of your life. someone who loves you as much if not more than the amount you love them. someone you can be yourself with, no fuss, no muss. someone who makes you feel home and love with one touch or embrace. the sound of their voice, or their scent, or the glimpse of their face makes you shine like the rays of the sun. someone who makes you a better person and reinforces even the trivial emotions and thoughts you try to hide from the world. yes, this is life: right here, right now, as i write this and even later on when i read this over.
catch the signals. don't let it pass you by. don't let others hold you back and miss out (because they are blinded). if it is meant to be, it will happen, something will present itself and an effort can be made and strength can be found. what will be, will be and we must learn to live and let life and love take it's course.
Saturday 16 April 2011
blue moon
he stopped,
took me in his arms,
stared deep into my eyes
and said he was looking for a word
more profound and deeper than i love you...
it wasn't enough.
he pulled me tighter and closer,
whispered he adored me
and kissed me.
we looked at the moon shining so gloriously
and he said it was for us.
goosebumps and butterflies,
still there,
nearly two years later.
took me in his arms,
stared deep into my eyes
and said he was looking for a word
more profound and deeper than i love you...
it wasn't enough.
he pulled me tighter and closer,
whispered he adored me
and kissed me.
we looked at the moon shining so gloriously
and he said it was for us.
goosebumps and butterflies,
still there,
nearly two years later.
Sunday 10 April 2011
nature
nature is at the root of everything...
life and the occurrences which accompany it.
nature dictates what happens and what is to be.
it regulates.
finds a happy balance between good and bad,
sweet and sour,
pain and joy,
love and heartbreak,
anger and kindness,
peace and war,
creation and destruction.
things happen for reasons unknown to us,
but all at the discretion and certainty of nature.
we can't control the path of nature;
we are mere vehicles in the cycle.
we either remain open so as not to miss the signs
or
we get too caught up and ignore them and in the process,
miss the experiences nature offers to us.
but,
it's always there,
a few steps before us...
we just need to pay more attention.
we can take comfort in nature,
knowing many things are bigger than us,
there is little we can do
and we must strive to just keep our heads up
and not get too knocked down by what's coming.
everything has a reason and a purpose,
though we may never until later.
stress antagonizes nature,
and it works against 'letting things be and happen.'
in these moments of great uncertainty,
we can take refuge in nature
and if we work with nature we can survive
and gain strength and knowledge.
it's a process...
life and the occurrences which accompany it.
nature dictates what happens and what is to be.
it regulates.
finds a happy balance between good and bad,
sweet and sour,
pain and joy,
love and heartbreak,
anger and kindness,
peace and war,
creation and destruction.
things happen for reasons unknown to us,
but all at the discretion and certainty of nature.
we can't control the path of nature;
we are mere vehicles in the cycle.
we either remain open so as not to miss the signs
or
we get too caught up and ignore them and in the process,
miss the experiences nature offers to us.
but,
it's always there,
a few steps before us...
we just need to pay more attention.
we can take comfort in nature,
knowing many things are bigger than us,
there is little we can do
and we must strive to just keep our heads up
and not get too knocked down by what's coming.
everything has a reason and a purpose,
though we may never until later.
stress antagonizes nature,
and it works against 'letting things be and happen.'
in these moments of great uncertainty,
we can take refuge in nature
and if we work with nature we can survive
and gain strength and knowledge.
it's a process...
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